Infidelity is breaking a promise to remain
faithful to a partner. The probability of someone cheating during the course of a relationship varies between 40 and 76 percent. Why people cheat on their partner? Not long ago, this would
have seemed an easy problem to researchers. For women, the main benefit of
infidelity was better genes for her offspring with the ancillary benefit of
gifts provided by lovers. For a man, the advantage was simply spreading his
genes around or siring more children.
People, who are cheating explain 3 reasons of
cheating. 1-st reason is that they felt their marriage was sexually satisfying,
or they wished to have more sex than they were having now. The next two reasons
reflect emotional needs. Participants reported that they weren’t emotionally
satisfied in their current relationship or wished to gain additional emotional
connection or validation. The least frequent reasons for engaging in
affairs had to do with love- either falling out of love with their partner or
falling in love with the new partner. This is might basic reasons, but
there’re other reasons which aren’t less important. One was “revenge sex.”
People seeking an affair for this reason were trying to get back at their
own partners who had already cheated on them.
This seems understandable. Also the researchers
were surprised to find that nearly 20% of the married people in the sample were
into "sensation seeking," meaning they were curious or just bored. It can be the desire for sexual
variety, and attraction to younger women or men or long distance between partners.
Now we know why people engaged in affairs, but
the question is - how did they feel once they were in them? As it turns out,
the participants felt the full gamut from positive to negative emotions. On the
positive side, people who cheated for sexual reasons tended to be emotionally
satisfied with the outcome. They also felt more energetic about life in general
and felt that they were becoming emotionally more open. The price they paid for
feeling more alive and open were guilt, shame, and disappointment. The
unfaithful weren’t disappointed with themselves, but with the partners and with
the fact that the affair didn’t bring them as much satisfaction as they thought
it would. Anxiety over being caught, fear of abandonment by the extra-marital
partner, jealousy, and depression were other undesirable emotions.
However, a surprising number of participants said they felt no negative
emotions at all.
Clues to
Your Partner's Future Infidelity. Your husband or wife has begun keeping secrets. If he walks into another room while on the phone, or shuts down
the computer monitor. Arguments flare up for no apparent reason. When your mate gets angrier than is
warranted, there is often something else going on under the surface issue. That
anger and the argument itself may be a way of making it "obvious"
that YOU are the problem in this relationship. Your mate still believes
in magic and soul-mates.
Some men and women, though, persist in thinking that what they actually have is
second-best, and that "the one" is still out there. Your mate
has forgotten your early starry-eyed history together. You bring up a
thrilling date, some beloved memory or other, and he/she can't recall it. Such
glowing memories cause cognitive dissonance in the unhappy present, so they are
put deeply away. Your partner avoids
your family members, because he or she feels shame.
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